Who?

      Who can tell us what we really feel? No one. I bet we ourselves can't too many a times. 
Last night I meditated for the first time, burning an udbatti beside me with waves playing in my ears. It did take me to some random unknown beach that I don't know, virtually. But yes, it did calm me internally. Exactly that's when I realized that that's what nature and surroundings give me. Peace. That's exactly why I am drastically silent when I'm around them. I am always with them, there at the moment. Worriless. Being there with them is a meditation for me. 

     It also made me realize that when I'm around artists and they don't appreciate me for something, it's actually me not appreciating myself enough. Me judging myself. But how do I not judge myself? That's a starter. Maybe now that it's been realized, time will take care of it.

    It is hard to be with someone always likeable when people don't give me enough credit. But for that too, I need to give myself enough credit. Even if something's been suggested I either get too conscious take it as an offence too personally, only because I'm judging myself. It's 80% the reason I'm sad / disappointed. 

    So how do I not judge myself?